Saturday, June 21, 2008

Pee pee

My first class of the day is a quintet of rambunctious four and five year olds. They have boundless energy and love to do flying leaps. Nothing is quite as interesting as hiding under a table, behind a door, or balancing a cushion on their heads for the sheer joy of it.

Entering the classroom, I noticed something. A funky smell, if you will. A nose-crinkling odor. A slight and sickly stench. How now? I inspected the premises. No wet spots on the carpet. No puddles in the trash bin. No soggies in the tox box.

Unable to pinpoint the stink, I cracked a window, shrugged my shoulders at my awesome office manager, and commenced the class. "OK, class! Take out your crayons~ very good! Write your name. Use ONE PENCIL. Okay, what's this?" (Pointing to a picture of a carrot.) "Is it an apple?"

Me: "Is it an elephant?"
(Shrieks) "Nooooooo!!!!"

Me: "Is it a cucumber ice cream cone?"
(Howling now) "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

"Okay, then, what is it?
(Thunderous) "IT'S A CARROT!!!"

Me: "Very good! It's a carrot! What color is a carrot?"
"Orange and green!"

"Okay, please color your carrots orange and green."

As they color, I surreptitiously walk around the room, sniffing the kids. Inori? Smells clean. Emi? Smells clean. Towa? Um, he's ok, I think. Teru? He's got a huge bandage on his forehead. What happened to him? He's not telling. Probably cracked his head balancing a cushion on it whilst hiding behind a door under a table and taking a flying leap from the spot. Also smells ok... I think. Aoi? Smells a little sweaty. Hmm. I can't tell. But if it's anyone, it's definitely this side of the table.

After our veggie worksheets, we stood up for a little song and dance. Shake Your Silles, sung by a charming British guy... wait... googling... The Wiggles! That song is a crowd pleaser. We shook our sillies out, nodded our naughties out, clappled our crazies out, jumped our jiggles out, and wiggled our wobbles away.

This is the class that loves to perform flying leaps, remember. So about halfway through the song (maybe about the time we were jumping our jiggles), the whole class decided to do a spontaneous group flying tackle. Suddenly, there are monkeys clinging to my knees. Hanging off my shoulders. Swinging from my elbows. Dangling from my midsection. I'm still trying to jump and wiggle. But they will not relent. One of them grabs my hands. It's Aoi. I hoist her up.

Hold on... her hands are wet. OK...

Finally, after a stretch and a yawn, the song winds down. I'm able to disentangle... and sniff my hands.


Pee-pee. Urine. Shikko. Tinkle. Mellow yellow.

Got the culprit. Or rather, she got me.

Class dismissed.

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